No, this is not a picture from the archives and neither it is this out of a Dicken's movie scene. This is real life, real London and the real me. I am lost and as much as I sense this, people are mirroring this right back at me. "We are here to help you chase your dream."
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They didn't teach us in school and no parent or teacher had ever explained what life is all about. You sort of go your way. We may consider us lucky when we float along, year to year, hoping it will turn out right. You turn your head to the left or right and oftentimes you will feel that others are likely far ahead of you - at least that's what you think. As you love to hear advice, it only smoothes yet never cures.
You learn to embrace your path and just move through it. There are days when it's great and others when you hate it, when it stops making sense. The color changes from white to black or randomly to grey.
Then there is the other side to the story, the one which does not play within your head or body, the story of the world. You realise that you are very much a part of it. A participant who brings a couple of super powers to the table. You may literally bring the forth leg to the table.
Now that is where the tricky part comes in. You are never able to fully separate yourself from your own being, hence the world which you look at is truly your own creation. Your eyes are seeing things no one else will see because the angle of others will always be slightly different.
Personally, I've longed for understanding and acceptance for so soo long. It is a yearning within me which I really can't put into words, not even sure I truly understand it myself. If only they would understand, I would tell myself, then the judgment would stop. Now I realise that it is not so much about the judgement to stop but on me to stand up for who I am, to come to terms with my own nature. No shame, no guilt, no fear whatsoever - none of these things towards myself.
Align yourself, then shoot for the stars.
Oh, boy that's no easy route. There are tests and challenges, so many of them! It is almost as if life asks you again and again: "Are you sure?" and "Well, how exactly are you imagining this?" You grow up and from day to day your senses grow sharper. There's a magical determination growing within you, telling you "this is the road I have to go on". Before another slap hits you in your face. You repeat the procedure, yelling "Yes, that's my dream" and no discouragement can rob my faith.
What matters is that only you believe in yourself and allow the possibility of your dreams become true.
You don't really know where it is going but have to rely on your gut instinct, step by step forwards. You are bloody working your arse off but not everyone will notice. There are some who look at you with unapproving eyes but what are they to judge. Don't get fed up with other people's disapproval. If you truly believe in yourself, that is all that matters.
The past is gone and I declare to let the bad be a learning experience. I will embrace growth, and let growth bring me closer to my dream. I refuse to give up. I refuse to lose hope. I refuse to let the feeling of despair ruin me. I refuse to let the pain inside win the battle. A voice inside kept on saying I would make it.
This was primarily a not to self, to never give up chasing dreams.